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Forgiveness is the Key

Forgiveness is sometimes a very hard concept to grasp. As Believers, many times religion has made it so hard and demanding. The Bible does say that because He forgave - we can forgive. Forgiveness means to send away. The Lord tells us to send away the pain and send away the offense.

"And become useful and helpful and kind to one another, tenderhearted (compassionate, understanding, loving-hearted), forgiving one another [readily and freely], as God in Christ forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32).

You notice in that verse that God forgave us in Christ. We were unconditionally forgiven at the cross when Jesus shed His blood for us. So, always remember, we cannot forgive in ourselves but only through the love of Jesus Christ. Many times we think forgiveness is just forgetting and going on when we have been hurt so badly. Other times we fear that our forgiveness will "free" someone from what they did and we want them to "pay." Forgiveness is portrayed as having to be best friends with someone after they crushed our heart. In reality, forgiveness is about protecting your heart more than it is about the person that offended you.

"Now having received the Holy Spirit, and being led and directed by Him, if you forgive the sins of anyone, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of anyone, they are retained" (John 20:23).

This verse lets us know that we can chose to forgive others or hold on to the offenses against us. It is our choice. If we do not send away the pain, our only option is to hold on to the offense and the pain that came with it. "Hatred stirs up contentions, but love covers all transgressions" (Proverbs 10:12).

The Word tells us in 1 Corinthians 13:8 that love never fails to be effective. Hatred - unforgiveness - offenses take us places we wish we had never gone. It always affects our heart in a negative way. There is no peace in forgiveness.

"I do not consider, brethren, that I have captured and made it my own yet; but one thing I do [it is my one aspiration]; forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead" (Philippians 3:13).

One of our greatest faults is to focus on the past and the past pains and offenses. The more we focus on them the greater they become in our minds and the pain we experience in our hearts. We must learn to send away those hurts and trust the Lord for the healing of our hearts. We can forget what lies behind and go forward for what is ahead. When we harbor unforgiveness, the only one really being effected by it is you. We figure our attitude and unwillingness to forgive punishes the one that supposedly hurt us. In reality, it hurts the one that is unwilling to forgive more - you. Unforgive- ness causes so much bitterness, unhappiness, disease and sickness. It really isn't worth it.

"If a wise man has an argument with a foolish man, the fool only rages or laughs and there is no rest" (Proverbs 29:9).

The loss of peace in conflict - even if you are right - is not ever worth the cost. It is not worth fighting and arguing with someone who is foolish and not willing to work on an issue. It is also not worth the unforgiveness that we harbor in our hearts when someone foolish offends us. There is no rest when we fight with someone who is being unwise. We can learn to send away that offense and hurt and let the Lord's peace and love fill that hole in our heart.

"Be gentle and forbearing with one another and if one has a difference (a grievance or complaint) against another, readily pardoning each other; even as the Lord has freely forgiven you, so must you also forgive. And above all these put on love and enfold yourselves with the bond of perfectness [which binds everything together in ideal harmony" (Colossians 3:13-14).

So many times we don't even understand the reason someone hurt us. The greatest majority of the time the hurt isn't really about us but about the person hurting us. We've heard so many times, "Hurt people - hurt people." We can be gentle, forbearing and forgiving even when someone has greatly hurt us. It is all about giving up the hurt to the Lord and accepting His peace.

So how do we send away the pain that has brought unforgiveness into our hearts? One of the first things you must establish in your heart is that Jesus died on the cross, was buried and rose again so that you could forgive through Him. On the cross Jesus said, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." Jesus hanging on the cross, dying, knew He needed His Father to forgive. He said that the people didn't know what they were doing. So many times the Lord speaks that into my heart. When I am hurting and upset He'll whisper, "That person didn't realize what they did. Don't get upset and hurt when there really isn't a problem. Guard your heart and go forward in My love."

Time after time after time I have felt I needed to just go on and not think about myself. Unforgiveness is all about us. We don't like how someone hurts or treats us or someone close to us. Sometimes we have huge reasons to feel this way because we have been hurt or violated so deeply.

Again, forgiveness is not about freeing anyone from their responsibility for what they have done; it is not about freeing a person from restitution. Forgiveness is not an approval of their action. It is not having the person that hurt you to dinner or a BBQ. It is about sending away the hurt and pain so that you can live a life in peace, health, love, joy and abundance. It is about not letting someone else's hurts destroy you and your family. It is about being able to pray for that person and believe they can be healed from whatever has caused them to hurt.

"Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you and pray for those that despitefully use you" (Luke 6:27-29).

Many times we don't even realize that we have unforgiveness in our hearts. Then there are the times that the person we need to forgive is our self. Sometimes I don't even know why I feel the way I do but know I have a hurt or offense. This is when I need to go to my heart and ask the Lord to show me the pain, and then I need to send it away to Him. He died for that pain, and we don't need to carry it any longer. It is a lot easier than you might imagine when you know that you are doing this for your own heart, your own joy, your own peace and you let God deal with the other person.

We want to have a life full of His blessings and joys. Unforgiveness blinds us to all He has given us. We walk in darkness just because we don't want to send away or forgive. Pray about this. Ask the Lord to show you the direction to go in forgiving. If you are really struggling, have someone pray with you. I've decided I don't want someone else's foolishness to destroy my life. I am sending away those hurts and offenses and walking with Jesus in His love!

Ed and Mona Shirley live in Conifer, CO, where they both grew up. They have been in ministry since 1982 and have been senior pastors of Mountain High Christian Center since 1994. Their heart is to share the Good News of God' unconditional love all over the world. They have traveled to Russia, Ukraine, Europe, India, Nepal, Venezuela and Canada. Ed and Mona enjoy ministering together. They minister a lot in the area of relationships and the importance of spirit, soul and body.

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